Saturday, August 20, 2005

Unrelated

As a teenager, one of my primary household chores was to babysit my four younger siblings so my parents could go on a date or sometimes just run errands. Why they continued to entrust me with this responsibility when so often things went horribly wrong, I still do not understand. But I was less expensive than outsourcing the babysitting duties (you didn't think I did it for free, did you?), so maybe that's how they justified it.

On this particular instance, my five-year-old baby sister had an extreme case of brattiness (not unusual for her at that time). In all my 13-year-old wisdom I decided that it would be fun for the three boys and I to gang up on her and teach her a lesson. I think most of us have told a sibling that they were adopted at some point or another. But we took it much too far. What ensued got me grounded for two months, and left emotional scars for which I don't think she has yet forgiven me. Here is how it played out:

Me: You know, you're adopted. Mom and dad aren't your real parents. If you don't stop being such a brat, I'm going to call the orphanage and have them take you back. Because we don't want a bratty little sister anymore.
Sister: [screaming, and starting to cry] I'm not adopted!
Me: Oh, yes you are. Just ask any of the boys. They know, too.
[All three boys confirm this sad, sad truth.]
Sister: [crying harder] Even if I am adopted, mom and dad don't want to get rid of me.
Me: Well, I'm in charge right now, so what I say goes. Besides, mom and dad don't want you around anymore because you're such a brat.
Sister: [crying harder still] You don't even know the phone number for the orphanage!
Me: Sure I do, it's 555-TAKE. (wasn't I clever?)
Sister: I don't believe you!
Me: You'll see, I'm not kidding. [I pick up the phone and dial, pretending to talk to the orphanage and asking them to take her back right away.] You better go get packed.
[At this point, my sister is crying uncontrollably. One of my brothers comes down the stairs with her suitcase, packed. Another brother sneaks around the house to the front door and rings the doorbell.]
Me: They're here for you. Say goodbye to everyone. You have to leave now.
[Now she is screaming and crying so hard that she is hyperventilating and turning blue in the face. At this very moment, my parents arrive home. She runs to them and tells the whole story, and I get in major trouble for masterminding this whole plan.]

I realize this story doesn't paint a very good picture of me. And it's true, I certainly wouldn't have won Sister-of-the-Year for most of my teenage years. But we all laugh about it now, because there was no permanent damage done, no therapy required. And thankfully, we're all really close now, despite many an incident of this very type.






15 comments:

karla said...

Oh my God! I certainly would never want you babysitting my son.

...Unless you're reasonably priced. And available on weekends. Okay, you're hired.

karla said...

Btw, thanks for linking me! I've added you to my links, too.

Playfully Accused said...

Now that was funny! Are you sure there wasn't permanent damage?

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I came over here from Ms. Babble's place. You are an interesting cuss, so I will be back. I really like your babysitting tales.

Carolyn said...

Hmmmm. I'm beginning to see why you and your younger sister don't get along! :)

Miladysa said...

Ermm ... naughty! I do not wish to worry you BUT perhaps your little sister is just taking her time in getting her own back? Revenge is a dish best served cold ....
:)

Amber said...

Awesome. Evil, but awesome. : )

Carl Spackler said...

well nicole, i for one am offended by such a story. i am the youngest in my family and was constantly made fun of or accussed of something i didn't do (courtesy of my older siblings). the only person i could pull rank on was the dog...but everyone loved her. sometimes it sucks to be the youngest in the family but i was able to make it work in my advantage as well. by the way, whats up with your CD?

Montezuma's Revenge said...

Carl - "everyone loves" Sheba Ann? She always used to bark at me when I would flick her off.....

Rico said...

That's halarious. Now only if I had thought of that when I was younger. You are the master.

Nicole said...

karla: Thanks for visiting my blog. And for the link -- I'm so honored to be in the company of such great writers!

playfully accused: Welcome to blogland!

oldhorsetailsnake: I've never been called a "cuss" before -- is that a good thing?

carolyn: Perhaps this little game was what started our lifelong love-hate relationship?

miladysa: How right you are -- she's taken her revenge on many an occasion since this incident. But in the case of her vengeance, I'm not so sure we'll be laughing about it in a few years.

amber: I'm glad to see that someone can appreciate the genius of my young evil mind!

carl spackler: Read closer, my friend. I (not my youngest sister) was the one responsible for, and therefore guilty of, everything (rightfully so in this instance, but wrongly accused most of the time).
My CD is still available only at my gigs. Nothing coming up in your area. Potential Vegas show soon. I'll keep everyone posted.

montezuma's revenge: Are you back in LA now?

rico: Thanks for naming me master of evil trickery, but please don't be offended if I don't wear that sash and tiara proudly. I promise, my heart is not as black as this story would lead one to believe.

Montezuma's Revenge said...

Yes ma'am. Back Saturday night. I have been checking the marquees and the cd racks for you, but I'm not sure what your stage name is. Is it "Nicole" or "StarInside"?

W. S. Cross said...

What a lovely post. You're so very lucky to have close relations with your siblings. Thanks for sharing this funny story.

undercover celebrity said...

This continues to be my favorite story you tell. Evil genius.

stretch td said...

Children can be soo cruel. Oh, the things I used to do to my younger sister. :O