Monday, February 14, 2005

Retardation of the Purely Mental Variety

Apparently, JS and I are slowing things down a little. Apparently. But to be honest, I can't really see how.

He had just ended another relationship when we met. It is, in fact, still up for debate whether said relationship was actually over at the time of our first date. Which, given how we met, is cause for some concern. But I digress. This past relationship was never an issue until last weekend. Until he was suddenly "in a funk". He was starting to feel not ready to get into another serious relationship so quickly, which was, by all indications, the direction we were headed. Now, I can certainly respect that. I've been where he is and I don't want to be his rebound, either. So I'm totally okay with slowing the pace of our budding relationship until he is sure that he's ready to pursue something more than a casual dating thing. But what doesn't make sense is that it seems like nothing has really changed.

He still wants to take me out. He doesn't want to date other people. We can't sleep over (which is a funny distinction, considering we weren't doing that anyway). We can't see each other every day (again, wasn't happening before). We can't pick out rings (okay, so maybe I threw that one in). But seriously, considering how new this whole thing is, do these things really count as slowing down? Or is it just the caution that comes from having been hurt before?

It seems to me that the only thing that has changed is what defines "us" in his head. Maybe he was falling faster than I was to begin with, and it freaked him out. Maybe his ex or his friends are giving him a hard time about how quickly we started dating. Whatever the explanation, I guess I shouldn't complain. I should just shut up and be grateful that he is a good communicator and actually thinks enough about our possible future to want to share his feelings with me, and to try to work through those feelings instead of just calling it off.

But then, just when I thought that all I would have was a cute new Brazilian bikini (with two matching sarongs and flip-flops) and an imported bottle of alcohol to console me on what would have otherwise been a romantic Valentine's Day, he showed up at my office to take me to lunch. With a dozen. Red. Roses. Now, I ask you, do Valentine's Day dates and roses constitute slowing things down? Because if so, I say let's slam on the brakes! And can you imagine what full speed ahead must be like?