Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I Work at Dunder-Mifflin, Irvine Branch

We may not sell paper, but our product is equally dull to those of us charged with marketing and growing the business. And we have many of the same employees...



Our Michael Scott is not a petite man, but a rather large, athletically built man. Though the inappropriate humor and cluelessness about managing employees remains identical. We recently went to Hooters for his birthday lunch. Enough said.

We have the distinct pleasure of having not one, but two Dwight Schrute characters. Neither is a beet farmer from Amish country, but one is a Jewish mother who thinks she runs the place and has an opinion and some self-proclaimed expertise about EVERYTHING, and the other is a tobacco-chewing redneck who tries to blend in in the OC and is all about gaining exposure to the executives. Or maybe he's our Andy Bernard.

Our Pam Beesly is slightly hotter and slightly sluttier than Jenna Fischer, but has a similarly dull job, consisting mostly of answering phones, copying and faxing, distributing mail, and running personal errands for our two fraternal co-presidents.

Our Jim Halpert is young, not super-ambitious, and I'm pretty sure he has the hots for our "Pam".

Our Ryan Howard is my boss' boss, and although he's young to be in such a role, he is very sharp.

Our Kelly just left. She was a talker with NO FILTER whatsoever, always wanted to be involved in everyone's business, thought she was a fashionista but was never actually that cute, and I think secretly had the hots for one of the execs.

Our Oscar quit regrettably soon after I started. But we're hiring, so I have high hopes of getting a gay man in here to round out our workplace diversity. Plus, if our old "Oscar" was ever in the closet, it was a closet with no doors.

Our Angela isn't so much a religious fanatic, but she's pretty high-strung and very straight-laced and shockable. And she dresses equally as conservatively.

Our Toby is our new HR person, so I don't know much about her yet. But from my initial interactions, I'd say she's going to try to rein in our "Michael" with some new policies and procedures.

We're a small team, so we're missing some key characters -- Meredith, Stanley, Jan, Karen, Creed, Kevin, Phyllis, Roy, etc. There's actually some crossover in characters with our employees, so the antics are no less entertaining.

And who am I, you ask? I prefer to think of myself as part of the film crew. Or maybe just a casual observer of the Orange County small company worker bee, taking notes for future episodes.

Are you a Dunder-Mifflin employee? Find out which one here.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Home Sweet Home

Terry left Dave and I an incredible gift that allowed us to purchase our first home. So after the grueling process of househunting and escrow, I am pleased to announce that we are (as of August 24 - yet again my husband gives me an amazing birthday gift!) the proud owners of one Ladera Ranch, CA condominium. And we couldn't be happier.

It's small, but perfect for us right now and through the next five years. It has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, dramatic vaulted ceilings, beautiful wood floors, and a huge loft (which right now is an office/pole room, but will later become the guest room when the current guest room becomes a nursery!). It's in a great area, with beautifully manicured landscapes and shopping centers containing every store one could ever need (I can walk to the Happy Nails and the Starbucks -- need I say more?!). The community is Gracie-friendly, with a dog park called Wagsdale (how cute?!) and doggy-stops along the many trails that offer bags and trash cans. Our neighbors are much like us -- young couples and young families -- and I think we'll make some very good friends there.

Plus, with all the wedding gifts we received from our generous friends and family, everything in the house (save for a few items) is new! And we just finished painting and I'm nearly done decorating, so it's just about time for a housewarming party to properly break it in!

Thankfully, the recent fires in Orange County did not come near us. I truly believe that Terry is our personal angel in heaven, watching over us and ensuring that we are taken care of. And although nothing can ever take away the pain of losing a Mother or Mother-in-Law, we get to remember her everyday when we come home to the house that she made possible. We are very thankful to be so blessed!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

For Terry

I remember the day I met Dave's parents. We had only been dating for a couple of weeks, but they would be in town for his housewarming party, and even though it was early in our relationship, he wanted me to meet them. So after he took me out for my birthday, we picked up his parents and had drinks. I remember thinking that they were a warm and vivacious couple, and feeling comfortable with them immediately, despite the self-induced pressure of wanting to impress them. We spent the entire next day helping prepare his house for the party, and I had so much fun getting to know them.

I remember our first Thanksgiving together. Dave's parents invited me to join their family at their vacation home in Sunriver. I remember how welcome they made me feel, and what wonderful hosts they were. I remember spending time in the kitchen together and eating a lot of incredible food. And playing games and doing puzzles and trips into the village.

I remember a lot of trips to Portland, and a lot of their trips to California, where we spent wonderful times together.

I remember my bridal shower in Portland. I was unsure at first whether I wanted to do it, since my bridesmaids already had a shower planned at home and I wouldn't know anyone there except my future mother-in-law, sister-in-law and niece. But I decided to go -- it seemed that Terry's friends really wanted to throw this shower for me -- and we had a fun night at the theater, followed by a lovely shower, followed by a fun night at the niece/nephews' school auction. I remember being thankful that I decided to go, and how I felt closer to my new family than before.

I remember having arguments over the wedding guest list. And being thankful that Dave's parents were so willing to help, both financially and logistically, but feeling overwhelmed by all of their input. I remember dinner with both sets of parents two days before the wedding, where they met for the first time. And feeling lucky that they got along so well, and excited about family events that we'd all share together in the future. I remember feeling rushed and completely stressed-out with last-minute preparations the day before the wedding, and not being as kind as I should have been to those who had come out for the rehearsal that morning. I remember arriving late to the beautiful rehearsal dinner that Joe and Terry had put together completely on their own, and not even enjoying that time because I had had such a crazy day. I remember taking a half of a Xanax to help take the day's edge off, and then not remembering much else after that.

But I do remember our wedding day. Everyone remembers their wedding day. It's supposed to be a beautiful day, a culmination of all your planning, the happiest day of your life. I remember hanging out with all the girls in the bridal cottage while we got our hair and make-up done, drinking champagne, rehearsing my vows, talking about the event that evening and the honeymoon and the new life that Dave and I were about to begin. I remember how excited Terry was to see the rings and my dress.

And then I remember her collapsing while I was being laced into my dress in preparation for the photos that we were about to begin taking. And I remember not being able to wake her up. I remember the ambulance pulling up behind our cottage, just in front of the acres of vines, and I remember her husband's face as he left with her to go to the hospital. I remember my fiance's face when he asked me to please tell him what was happening -- the reaction I had anticipated all those months, one of joy to see me for the first time as his bride, was missing; instead he looked scared and shocked. I remember having to tell him about his Mom because everyone thought he should hear it from me, and telling him that no matter what the outcome, I'd be by his side and everything would be ok. And I remember the sadness that fell over everyone there -- our families, our wedding party, the winery staff, the vendors.

I remember Dave's father instructing us to proceed because we didn't know what had happened, or how serious Terry's condition was. I remember starting late so we could all compose ourselves before the ceremony. I remember that it was not a happy ceremony as it should have been, because there was an important set of parents missing. I remember Dave and his sister being rushed to the hospital immediately after the ceremony, because Terry's condition had worsened. I remember greeting our guests at what should have been our reception without my new husband, thanking them for coming, and checking in with my brother-in-law for constant updates. I remember conversations with my Matron of Honor, the Best Man, my father, and the wedding coordinator about our Plan B if the worst should happen. I remember there were no toasts, no photos taken, no dancing. Just dinner, and then everyone left.

I remember arriving at the hospital in my wedding gown and pacing the ICU waiting room and surrounding halls until my husband came out. I remember him asking me not to come into her room, because he didn't want me to remember his Mom that way. So I waited with friends and family outside each time he went in to be with her. I remember our first night together as a married couple, and how it was not romantic, how we didn't get to enjoy our beautiful room, how the sex we had waited for seemed inappropriate and so didn't happen, how we just went to sleep holding each other, crying until there were no tears left. I remember the next day, listening to Joe update everyone who had come to the hospital that his beloved Terry was going to die. That she had had a stroke from a blood clot in her medulla, that she was in a deep, irreversible coma, and that there was no hope that she would come out of it. That all we could do was stand vigil and love her to the end and wait for him to lose his wife. I remember helping the Best Man cancel our honeymoon. I remember the following day, when Joe made the difficult decision to honor Terry's wishes by taking her off the machines that were artificially keeping her alive. I remember many prayers asking the Lord to take her quickly, so she wouldn't suffer long when they removed the breathing tube. I remember Joe's and my dear husband's faces when they told us that Terry had at last gone to Heaven. I remember saying goodbye to her, promising to take care of her son. And how she didn't look like herself -- like her sweet spirit had been gone from the moment of the stroke and her body was empty in the hospital those two days. I remember going out for drinks afterward, to celebrate her life.

I remember spending our first two weeks as husband and wife not on our honeymoon in Greece, but in Portland, staying with Joe so he wouldn't be alone in their house, helping with funeral arrangements, celebrating a very somber Mother's Day without Terry, and attending her funeral.

I remember how it took my husband over a month to even look at a single wedding photo, because the memories of that day were not happy the way they are for most newlyweds. And how we have only a handful of professional photographs of the two of us, and a lot of candids from family and friends of the ceremony, but no photos whatsoever of our wedding party or families, or of the reception that never happened. And how Terry wasn't in any of the pictures we have from early in the day, except in the background. And how we still -- six months later -- haven't watched our video.

But now, above all else, I hope to always remember Terry. And to remember the impact she had on my life and the lives of everyone she met. To be the kind of wife to her son, and daughter-in-law, and (eventual) mother to her grandchildren that she could be proud of.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

A Little Bit Naughty, A Little Bit Nice

After giving me a perfect gift our first Christmas together and then giving me the best birthday gift ever, I had come to accept that Dave was simply a better gift-giver than I. But this year for Christmas, I thought I had come up with the perfect gift to put our gift-giving skills on the same level. And yet he still one-upped me.

We love wine. We're getting married in six weeks at a vineyard. For his birthday last year, I got him a really good wine bottle opener (along with several other things, of course). So for Christmas last year, I decided to go big and get him a wine fridge. After all, even though it was a more expensive gift than I budgeted for, it would benefit us both for many years, so it was worth it. He loved it so much that he wanted to sleep under the tree in the living room with his fridge that night. Even now, three months later, he still gets excited every time we pull out another perfectly chilled bottle of red, white or champagne. I did good -- real good.

But even so, he outdid me. He may have even outdone himself (though I don't know if a gift will ever truly be better than a diamond ring). I have been addicted to S Factor for nine months. I've never missed a week, and it's the first workout I actually crave all week long. So for Christmas, he made it possible for me to workout whenever I want. He got me...

a pole! (photos coming soon -- just of the pole, not of me on it, you perverts)

It's in the middle of the living room. We don't usually take it down when we have company, unless it's the parental units. He loves to show it off to his friends -- that his fiancee is a pseudo-stripper. I've even shown some of our closest friends a few pole tricks (clothed, of course). And I can't deny that I like having it up, too. It's a reminder of this new power I've discovered.

I'm thinking of having my girlfriends over for dinner, wine and some pole-dancing/lap dance/striptease lessons! (No boys allowed!)

Garza Azul

Hey there, faithful readers (if there are any of you left)! I can't believe how long I've been away. A lot has happened in the last six months, and a lot has changed. So here I bring you the first of several installments chronicaling the new and improved life of Nicole.

We went to Mexico for Thanksgiving. But this vacation was not to a typical resort town in Mexico, with tourists everywhere, modern amenities, overpriced restaurants and multiple entertainment options. Rather, we were headed to a tiny village just south of Guadalajara. True Mexico, where no one speaks a lick of English, but where everything is authentic and somehow charming despite its primitiveness. At first mention of the trip, I was a bit concerned about having no phone, no Internet, no connection of any kind to the outside world. But I quickly embraced the idea of a relaxing retreat from our stressful lives, with nothing to do for an entire week but lay by the pool, read, play games, shop in the local villages, and eat authentic, home-cooked meals.

After a five-hour flight from Los Angeles, followed by a one-hour drive from the airport in Guadalajara to the house we rented in the remote area of Lake Chapala, we were ready to settle in and start the relaxation. But we soon discovered that there were a few omissions in the description and photos on the American owner's web site. First, the house was home to the largest spiders I've ever seen. And you couldn't kill them because they ate all the other bugs. I had to take a Xanax every night just so I could fall asleep with the 3-inches-in-diameter spider on the wall directly above my head. The pool was infested with wasps and all other manner of flying, stinging insects. I got stung once and decided not to go back, so I didn't come home with a winter tan like I had hoped. Our room was filled with gnats the first night because someone left the light on the night before we arrived. Said room was also on the side of the house with no hot water, so showering was a major production. And there were bats there, including one baby bat who took up residence in the corner of our bathroom.

But it wasn't all bad. We played A LOT of games. Which is one of my favorite things to do. We spent time in the surrounding pueblos, and I learned that I actually know more Spanish than I thought. I woke up every morning at whatever time I wanted, and did Pilates on one of the many balconies overlooking the lake. We were with a great group of friends, one of whom was formerly a professional chef. So we ate a lot of fantastic food made with the freshest ingredients and, of course, did our fair share of drinking. And Dave and I took some photos on the grounds (which were beautiful) that we were able to use in our save-the-dates.

I don't know if I'd go again. It was definitely lacking in some of the luxuries that I prefer on my vacations and just in life, in general. (I'm really not a roughing-it kind of girl.) But it was an adventure, and the memories are priceless.