Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Idol Dreams

Since I can remember, I’ve been singing and performing for whoever would watch and listen. Shannon and I can justify singing karaoke on pretty much any occasion, and I’ve been singing with three local bands for a little over a year. I truly love to sing, and I suppose on some level, I’ve dreamed of being a star for most of my life. But, like most fantasies, this dream may be better left in the reality that exists in my mind, rather than actually chased in life.

I have been persuaded by my girls at work (Shannon, Emily, Carolyn, and Mary Ann) to audition for American Idol. We are a bunch of reality show addicts – we watch even the worst of them (and if we miss one, Carolyn always has an update), and we have gone so far on occasion as to create betting pools for some of the favorites. Last season, American Idol made that list. So when they raised the maximum age this season, my “I’m too old” excuse was no longer valid, and I was promptly given the official rules and audition information by Emily. I couldn’t come up with a different excuse that would satisfy the girls, who, sensing my apprehension, insisted that I make a timeline and post it outside my cubicle so they could check my daily progress and make sure I don’t back out of the audition. So it looks like I’m going to do it.

You would think that I’d jump at the chance to more actively pursue a singing career, but I find myself having serious reservations. Rejection is hard to handle in any situation, but when it could be televised nationally, I just can’t imagine how I’ll deal with it. In fact, the pressure of being on television in general is hard to handle. I really enjoy my “day job”, and I already get to sing on the side, so I haven’t felt a need or strong desire to pursue a full-time singing gig. Not to mention that my participation in the show would be a logistical nightmare.

But despite those fears, which torment me in the night, I can’t disappoint the girls. So as the anxiously anticipated audition date draws nearer, the flutters of both excitement and nervousness intensify in my stomach.

And so begins the story of the star inside me who might just get her chance to break free…