Monday, August 14, 2006

What do you do when you discover that someone who was once your best friend is not the person you thought they were? What do you do when it turns out that your friendship, like the better part of their life, was based on nothing but superficiality, lies and manipulation? How do you face them, when you don't like who they've become? How can you possibly help, when they are on a path to becoming the worst version of themselves? What do you say to someone when single mistakes in their past turn out to be a pattern of ongoing stupidity -- when clearly no lessons have been learned, no changes have been made, and there are no more excuses that could ever justify their actions? How can you believe anything they say ever again -- even an apology or a promise to try harder or do better -- when the most sacred trusts have been betrayed? And how do you deal when your heart hurts so deeply for the dozens of people whose lives they are destroying?

You know, 'cause I'm just wondering. Hypothetically, of course.

11 comments:

Carl Spackler said...

i don't think there is much you can do aside from moving on without them (if thats possible). hopefully this person will realize whats going on and seek help.

Peter DeWolf said...

Or you could call them on it?

Amanda said...

so frustrating! i just hate it when i am so disappointed by someone - as it sounds like you are - that it is deadening.

i can totally identify with your predicament.

Jessica said...

i would say totally move on without them...

kapgar said...

I've had this happen to me before and I still don't know how to handle it. If you figure it out, drop me a line.

Croaker said...

It differs for me, some call their lover their best friend and that disappointment is harder to take. I think that a part of you has to be there for best friends. They are a link to your past. We all change but a friend forgives, not that some don't deserve tough love sometimes.

Carl Spackler said...

nicole,

are you doing ok? we miss you.

have a great labor day!

twobuyfour said...

You've got to come clean with whoever's hurting you. If you have a friend, relative, lover, child, former-lover to whom you feel a connection you owe it to them to shoot straight.

Obviously those closest to us are the people who can hurt us the most, and the deepest. But if that happens you need to stand up for yourself and face them with their own mistakes. If they are remorseful and appear to you to be sincere then you can move past this together. If they do not, then you cut them loose and there's no misunderstanding about why.

Life is too short to allow yourself to be treated like dirt.

I do not envy you your position. It's got to be tough.

Miladysa said...

I try not to let it effect the person I am.

karla said...

This has happened to me more than once. The first time, I took the effort to actually sever the relationship. As in, "I don't think we have much in common anymore. Let's end this." Years later I regretted it, making it so final like that. Afterward when that happened again, I just sort of went my own way quietly. And mourned the loss.

karla said...

Two different friends, I'm talking about.